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TOW Chandler's Shirt

[We see everyone in the Central Perk, except Phoebe, who enters]

Phoebe: Hey guys...

All: [various hi Phoebes']

Rachel: How'd the record company go?

Phoebe: Not so good.

All: oh, that's to bad

Joey: Well do you know what happened?

Phoebe: They said my style wasn't original, they said they always get the angry strum whatever on the guitar. They said they liked me, and to come back when I have a new style. It was awful, my music has such meaning, they think I'm strumming whatever but they have hidden meanings, you know?

Monica: We're sorry Pheebs, is there anything we can do?

Phoebe: No, I think now I'm just going to experiment with new styles, you know?

Ross: How new?

Chandler: You know, some rock...a little heavy metal, maybe some classical in there...

Phoebe: How'd you know?

Chandler: Well, you're music you...a mix of different stuff. [Monica pushes him] But in a good way.

Phoebe: Huh, your right. I think I'll just take a lot of different styles, and just mix them together...and oh Oh OH, maybe I can get a cool nickname too. I think Phoebe Buffay, is to...conventional, too regular. Maybe something like....

Joey: Baywatch Babe...

Phoebe: I respect your suggestion, but no

Monica: about you keep your name...I think it's the style, not the name...that people will remember...

Chandler: No way! It's totally in the name!

Joey: Yeah...take Meow Mix, now would you remember the song if it was, Cat Slop, Cat Slop please deliver...I think not!

Chandler: I mean what if Yasmine, was named, Geena.

Monica: You would still drool...

Chandler: Would not...

Rachel: I mean what if Chandler was named, Duke...he still would be a social outcast Late Saturday night TV watcher dateless screw up.


[We see Ross, Rachel, Joey and Phoebe in the Central Perk. Rachel entrees with a small box.]

Rachel: I am sooo excited!

Phoebe: Oh, wait, I want to think of what Chandler would say, [in a deep voice] have the cows finely come home? [In her normal voice] You know it's just not the same.

Joey: Nice try though.

Rachel: *ahem* Well you know how I don't have a camera, since Joey broke my last one trying to get a picture of the pages of the playboy magazine so he wouldn't have to buy it.

Joey: It was a good idea though...

Rachel: Yeah...ok...but anyway I got a new camera. The new one's are so small. It's just the cutest little thing. And it's so quiet. And when the flash goes off you don't see or hear it. The button vibrates when it works!

Joey: Wow, so it's like a camera, but it massages too?

Rachel: Well actually it's a spy camera, the guy at the store said.

Joey & Ross: A Spy Camera!! Cool!!

Rachel: Oh and I forgot to mention. This camera doesn't go anywhere without me. No one touches, handles, uses, or attempt to steal the camera. If you want it, I take the pictures got it? If you hurt it, I hurt you!

[We see Chandler and Monica in the girls apartment, it appears that no else is there. (They are not going out in this one by the way.) Chandler is on the couch and Monica is cooking at the stove. She has a big pot of sauce and a wooden spoon]

Monica: Chandler, could you come here, for a sec. and taste this?

Chandler: Sure [He goes over, Monica puts the spoon to his mouth, but a chuck of tomato drops onto his shirt]

Monica: Oh my gosh! I'm really sorry.

Chandler; It was good though [Monica smiles] Lucky I have Betty Crocker here that can take a tomato stain out anything.

Monica: Well...I don't like to brag but...

Chandler: You can brag...but brag while you are cleaning the shirt

Monica: Oh, yeah, right...let me put this pot of Low, and we'll see what we can do. I just stocked up on cleaning supplies yesterday. [They are looking at each other]

Chandler: My shirt.

Monica: Right, yes, well we have Tide, Snuggle extra soft with a rain clean sent, we have Shout and Shout wipes, they have a spring flowered sent, myself I would use Snuggle, it is perfect for a rainy day....

Chandler: Don't sell it to's setting!

Monica: Oh sorry, here give it to me.

Chandler: What...?

Monica: The shirt, I need it I have to spray, wipe and wash it...

Chandler: way am I taking off my shirt

Monica: No one's here, just take it off.

Chandler: But...uh...

Monica: It's setting...

Chandler: Fine...[He takes off the shirt and gives it to her. She goes into the bathroom and comes out with a spray bottle, wipes and a detergent]

Monica: We smooth it out over the table, first we spray it, that gets it wet, then we wipe it gently, we don't want to push it in. Then we sprinkle a little detergent over it...

Chandler: Thank you, but I need a shirt, I'll be back in a minute, I have to get on from my room.

Monica: Ok [Chandler leaves, and Monica goes into the bathroom with the cleaning products. Ross enters; he looks for Monica but doesn't see her. We see a shot of Monica in the bathroom wiping the cleaning products with water, to clean them. She is humming. Ross hears her but then turns his head. He sees the shirt and goes to examine it. He realizes it's Chandler's and makes a face]


[Monica comes out of the bathroom]

Monica: What is it?

Ross: Shirt...Chandler...shirt...Chandler

Monica: I spilled tomato sauce on it...

Ross: oh [Chandler comes back, but with no shirt on]

Chandler: Damn Joey! He didn't do the laundry! JOEY! Can you hear me, you bastard??!!!

Monica: Well all you have to do is go to the laundry room with me and look normal, no one will see you.

Chandler: Nope, never, not gonna happen.

Ross: Well Carol and Susan are coming to drop Ben off so...

Chandler: I'm gone.

[He and Monica leave with the shirt. Ross has a sneaky look on his face... he laughs an evil laugh.]

Ross: Now all I need is Rachel's camera, and Chandler will be embarrassed to death...oh this will be fun. [All of a sudden Rachel walks out of her room]

Rachel: But you aren't going without me...wherever that camera goes, I go remember.

Ross: *grown* I don't want an accomplice

Rachel: Well if it's my camera you want, then it's me you gotta take...[Just then Phoebe and Joey enter, Rachel explains what's going on]

Phoebe: Oh! We'll come too. It'll be like we're all spies together, like a spy boot camp!

Ross: *grown* If you guys are coming then forget it! [He leaves]

Phoebe: Strike! That's one Oscar that in the trash!

Rachel: He wouldn't have been fun anyway. He sucks at spying.

[We see Chandler and Monica in the Laundry room, the shirt is in the wash. Chandler is by the window and Monica is sitting on the drier.]

Chandler: This is awkward.

Monica:, uh...what do you want for you birthday?

Chandler: A date.

Monica: What?

Chandler: I mean a date to my party, you guys are throwing me that party and I'm the only one who won't have a date!

Monica: Ohhh! I see now, why you have been so grumpy.

Chandler: Yes

Monica: Well if it makes you feel better I don't have a date...

Chandler: Yeah that won't work

Monica: Why?

Chandler: 1) Ross 2) You

Monica: What's wrong with me?

Chandler: I hear, when you kiss, never mind...

Monica: What, if there's something wrong with my kissing style I need to know.

Chandler: Well, I can't explain it...

Monica: Kiss me.

Chandler: What! No way...well ok...[He kisses her they seem into it, then Joey screams. Monica and Chandler jump apart]

Rachel: You both have some explaining to do...

Monica: see...

Chandler: It's like this...uh...I had a stain on my shirt...

Monica: Yes stain, stain! And we are washing the shirt, because...

Chandler; I have no more shirts, and Monica said she'd be my date to her party, and I told her she kisses weird and uh...

Phoebe: Oh...ok, yeah, you know if you guys weren't blushing I would almost believe it!

Monica: It's true...ask...No! Where's Ross?

Chandler: He saw...

Rachel: He SAW???

Joey: Niiiiice!

Chandler: No no no no! He saw the shirt...with the, with the stain!

Phoebe: Oh, ok, yeah I've moved on...I didn't know you were still in the denial thing...

Chandler: There is not need for denial, NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

Rachel: Actually it's kinda cute.

Monica: Cute? Cute? We're just friends, so you guys can just go.

Joey: Uh huh, they want us to go...

Monica: Well, we're sorry to disappoint you guys, but nothing is going on between us.

Rachel: Ok...if you say so...I planned for us to find out another way...maybe at Chandler's birthday party. Come on guys, let's let them... finish.

Chandler: What???

Phoebe: We understand if you had a way to tell us planned. We'll pretend we don't know. [They leave Monica and Chandler alone, and close the door]

Monica: was embarrassing.

Chandler: Oh yeah, but it did kinda help me forget that I don't have a shirt!

Monica: I'm sorry, it has 20 more minutes

Chandler: But what if people come in here! They'll see me!

Monica: [muttering] It's not that bad.

Chandler: What'd you say?

Monica: I said, that would be bad. We can lock the door. Then no one will come in.

Chandler: Yes, good thinking, lock it. [He locks the door. We heard

Phoebe's voice from behind it.]

Phoebe's Voice: I knew it!

Rachel's Voice: Locking the door...


Joey's Voice: Cranky Cranky, fine we'll leave this time.

Monica: GOOD! God! The nerve of some people. Oh...anyway...I guess this is even more awkward then before.

Chandler: Yes...but uh did the kiss help you?

Monica: Actually they kind of walked in on it. This is embarrassing but can we do a take two. I am not sure what I am doing wrong. Actually I noticed what you did, not what I did.

Chandler: Me, what did I do?

Monica: Well your tongue was CHOKING me!

Chandler: I'm sorry, I get nerves mouth one officially taught me when I was a kid.

Monica: I you want me to teach you?

Chandler: No

Monica: Why not?

Chandler: It's really embarrassing, and you're a girl anyway.

Monica: So...

Chandler: Well...ok...[She kisses him, she puts her arms around his neck, and he nervously puts his hand around her waist. Then they pull away.]

Chandler: Was that better?

Monica: Oh Yeah...I mean, yes it're a good student...

Chandler: You're a good teacher...

Monica: really...

Chandler: Uh huh

Monica: You gonna kiss me again?

Chandler: I was debating it

Monica: *smiles* Well let me decide for you [she pulls him over and kisses him again, they are really into it, he moves his hands close to her butt, but then the laundry timer goes off. It starts them and they jump apart.]

Monica: Oh My...the shirt. The shirt...we have to take it out.

Chandler: Yes the shirt...

Monica: It has to go into the drier though...

Chandler: Yes...

[Monica puts it in the drier. They stare at each other for a few minutes and the drier timer goes off, Monica takes the shirt out and holds it up. The stain is gone. Chandler puts it back on and smiles]

Monica: What?

Chandler: It's all warm, right from the drier.

Monica: [she giggles] Oh...[She puts her hand on his arm near his shoulder] Oh yea, it feels good. Really warm. [They look at each other for a minute and then they both walk out of the room]


[We see everyone in the Central Perk. Phoebe has her guitar. She is on the end of the couch closest to the door. Then Monica is next to her, and then Chandler. Ross is in the chair, and Joey and Rachel are at the table.]

Phoebe: Ok guys, here we just tell me what you think of this style. Ok we start off with a little classical.

Da Da nah nah nah nah nah

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah...(this is the nutcracker)

Sings: Oh I was a little girl, a twin is more precise

I loved my mom a lot, for her love I was not itchen'

Because she gave a lot of love

But then killed her self in the kitchen....

Oh Death!!! No, wait I cannot get mad, because

People at the record company won't make me a record,

Then I'll be saaaaaaad! Oh my sister waits tables

We do not talk a lot

Probably because she's bitch and I hate her, she's mean

Cruel, and hasn't a thought, about meeeeee!

Phoebe: Well what do you guy's think?

Rachel: To be honest Pheebs, I liked the old style better...

Phoebe: Yeah, me too

Monica: I think...*ahem* that you shouldn't let these record people push you into, singing your old a classical style. I don't know about everyone else but I thought you might write new songs...and sing them in the new style rather then adapt your old ones, though.

Phoebe: Well, yes, but some didn't adapt. Smelly didn't sound good as an opera, you know....

Joey: You shouldn't let them tell you how to write your music, I don't let director's tell me how to act.

Chandler: And that's why you got fired...

Joey: Yeah, huh...right

Phoebe: You guys are right, I'm going down there and I'm gonna tell them how they are going to publish my music. And if they don't like it tough...but I just, when I try to do this, I get nervous. You know, like maybe I shouldn't tell them what to do...

Ross: You just have to go in there and do it...but don't let them think you have rage...

Monica: Ross that only happens to you

Joey: If you want Pheebs I'll go with you want wait in the waiting room. You can like absorb my energy, from the other room.

Phoebe: ok, thanks Joey. Yeah I can feel your energy.

[Phoebe and Joey get up and leave]

Rachel: I have to stop by and get my dress at the cleaners, to pick up the dress for Chandler's party

Monica: Bye Rach

Rachel: Yeah. Well, bye guys. [She leaves too]

Monica: [Looks at Chandler then at Ross] Ross Carol called earlier, She wanted to know if Ben left his GI Joe at you the apartment, I put it on our table...

Ross: Really? I have to go bring it over then. Thanks Mon, Thank you, Thank you veeery much...

Chandler: If you sounded like Elvis then I'd be scared, but since you don't, I'm just worried

[Ross leaves]

Monica: Well...

Chandler: Well...

Monica: Your hand is on my butt...

Chandler: Right...ok I'll take it off now...

Monica: Well, you know, if you want to...

Chandler: you want me to take it off?

Monica: I don't know...

Chandler: I guess we should talk about our kiss...

Monica: Yeah, but I think we should go to my apartment, because don't trust the others, they could be spying again. Ever since Rachel got that camera...

Chandler: Yeah

[We see them get up. We fade out and into a shot of them walking into the apartment. They sit on the couch.]

Monica: Ok, well, what'd you think?

Chandler: of the kiss?

Monica: Yeah

Chandler: Which one?

Monica: I don't know...any of them I guess

Chandler: I uh...what did you think?

Monica: I asked you first...

Chandler: Damn. Well I kinda liked it...

Monica: Me too...but it kinda scared me thought, you the laundry room...would you like to try it again

Chandler: I was hoping you would say that yes. [They kiss again]

Monica: I liked that one

Chandler: Me too [They kiss again and we fade out on it.]

To Be Continued



[We see the girls' apartment it appears that no one is there. We hear Joey's voice from behind a chair]

Joey: Do you think Chandler will come...

Rachel: Ssssh! He knows we're throwing him a party...he know to be here at 8:00

[Chandler walks in]

Chandler: Hello kiddies, I...

ALL: Surprise!!!

Phoebe: Even though you already knew...

Chandler: Wow this is cool! Thanks guys...

Phoebe: Oooh, oooh...

Chandler: Yes Pheebs

Phoebe: This table is the alcoholic beverage table. I can mix whatever you want...

Chandler: Then, I'll take a margarita...

Monica: Me too...[We fade out, and into Monica room, we see Chandler and Monica asleep in the bed. The audience goes ooooooohhhh!!!!]

I hope you liked it! Check back for the second part, I will write it soon. I would like some feedback about this fanfic or any of my other ones. E-mail me at